1. “What would you prefer? ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One helpless villager, two helpless villagers, three helpless villagers….” 2. I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. 3. Go sit down and look pale. 4. “I would rather spend one night with Dracula dead than with my husband alive.” 5. “I’m going out to get a bite to drink.” 6. “People don’t want you to drink blood. They want you to drink Nescafe, preferable decaf.” 7. “Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, no matter how crazy they are.” 8. Your body’s dying. Pay no attention. 9. To die, to be *really* dead, that must be glorious! 10. She’s alive? She’s Nosferatu! She’s Italian? No, actually, that would be one of the five. 30. “Looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the coffin.” 31. “Morning, Sunshine” Vlad blinked at her. “Morning sulfuric acid.” “Pardon me?” “Well, isn’t it just kinda wrong to call a vampire ‘sunshine’?” 32. Well, you have great taste in boyfriends. 33. The only “stakes” that kill me are the nice juicy medium rare ones that I’d be just dying to try again if I weren’t already dead. 34. So, what’s on the menu for tonight? I’m thinking of heading down to china town for some chinese food.Wanna come? Nah, Italian’s more my style. 35. The garlic legends? So not true. It only gives us heartburn occasionally… 36. Stop playing with your food! 37. Wanna bite to eat? 38. Does your life insurance cover vampires? Werewolves? Maybe, but for vampires I’d need an upgrade. 39. Watch out for that one. He’s a lady killer. 40. Wanna go out for a drink and a bite to eat? 41. The food’s on you. 11. You know, I really haven’t got much in the way of friends… it seems I’ve had to kill most of them. 12. People are my greatest resource. I rarely turn down a chance to meet new blood. 13. We’re right behind you, only further back. 14. There are some things I can just smell. It’s like a sixth sense. 15. What did you try? Crawdads. Hmmm… I’ve never had those. Nice Dads, mean Dads, ugly Dads, rich Dads, but no crawdads. 26. I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away. 27. (Rummaging through the fridge) “Type A Positive, some O, some AB Negative,…” “Stop that! You’re messing up the order of things.” “You organize your food by blood type?” “Nope. Alphabetically. Let’s see: Jason, Justin, Jessica…” 28. “Ahh,” she said, holding the glass of warm crimson liquid, ” It’s the secret family recipe: one part father, one part son, two parts mother, and a tea spoon of cocker spaniel.” 29. Word to the wise – immortality is no excuse not to floss.